Thoughts of Insecurity
by carapau
Summary: After the battle against Vegeta Goku is stuck at the hospital bed, and ChiChi's cold attitude towards him leaves him with unusual insecurity thoughts. Goku/ChiChi


**Thoughts of Insecurity **

**by carapau**

**Disclaimer: **This is purely fan mande, I do not own anything associated with Dragonball (Z) and its characters. Dragonball (Z) belong to Akira Toriyama and Toei Animation Studios.

**Setting:** Two weeks have passed since the battle against the Saiyans. Goku is in the hospital and Gohan, Krillin and Bulma had recently left to Namek, hunting for the Dragon Balls in order to bring back to life Yamcha, Tien, Chaotzu and Piccolo.

Goku was laying on the hospital bed, meditating (there were nothing else he could do ) on his current life situation. He had fight against Nappa and Vegeta, the Saiyans who had to come to conquer earth and avenge their fellow saiyan Raditz. After being dead for a hole year he had almost died again in battle. However Goku felt as peaceful and rested as he hadn't felt over a long time. The battle was over and if his son Gohan and best friends Bulma and Krillin succeed in finding the Namekian Dragon Balls his late friends Yamcha, Tien and Chaotzu would be brought to life. He could only hope for his friends to find little or no troubles at all in their hunt for the dragon balls.

Lost in his thoughts, Goku didn't realize that Master Roshi had entered the room and was now aproching his bedside.

" Hello my boy, how are you feeling today?"

"Ahhhhhh!" Goku jump in suprise. "Master Roshi, I didn't see you come in."

"I can see that. Were you daydreaming about some hot nurse?" Asked the pervert old man.

"Of course not, master. Why would I? I was just wondering if our friends will handling thenselves on Namek."

"Don't worry to much my boy. I'm sure they are ok. You just focus on getting better."

"You right master. They will be just fine."

"So. Where is that nagging wife of yours?"

"Please master, don't talk about ChiChi that way. You know she means well. She just worries to much about Gohan's safety."

"Yeh, yeh, I know. But she should care more about you as well. You're the one who almost died and I don't see her around".

Goku frowned with his master statement. He never complained about ChiChi's behaviour but now he was feeling a little bit negglected. While Gohan was also in the hospital ChiChi had never left the hospital. Even if not for him, she would be there for Gohan. And he would get to see her. But Gohan had left to Namek three days ago and she had never visit him since then. _She must be busy cathing up on the housework, since she had done none since the day of the great battle_. Goku thought, trying to asure himself..

"Why the long face, Goku?" asked Master Roshi. "Trouble with the mistress?"

"Uhm?... ah, no... no trouble at all." Goku smilled but not very convincingly.

"If you say so." The old man said, not really believing it.

Master Roshi and Goku talk for about half an hour before the visit time end and then Goku's old master left, leaving Goku alone with his thoughts.

_Why don't she come visit me? Is she angry? Yeah. That must be it. She problably blames me for Gohan's kidnapping a year ago. Her boy was taken away from her and it's all my fault. And now she hates me for giving Gohan permission to go hunt for the dragon balls. That's the only explaination... Or is it? And if she simply stopped loving me? I've been gone for a hole year. Add that to her fury for what happen to Gohan and you have a suitable reason for her not to love me anymore. Oh, Kami. _

A sudden sadness struck the usually cheerful Goku. The possibility of not having ChiChi's love anymore was almost impossible to bare. For the following hours Goku wrestled with these thoughts. Even when his tired and sore body claim him to sleep, Goku has still haunted in his dreams by his early doubts.

In the next morning Goku had breakfast still seaching for alternative reasons for ChiChi's behaviour towards him. But nothing came to him.

"Oh man. I miss ChiChi's home cooking. And I miss her. Why isn't she visiting me? Doens't she care about me anymore? Even if she doesn't love me she's still my wife. I'm still her son's father! What I'm I saying? I don't know for sure if that is true. Just calm down Goku. Don't jump into conclusions." Goku told to himself. "Problably she is coming to visit today."

But another day come to a end and the only visits Goku had were Mr. Briefs to discuss the possibility of building another spaceship and Mr. Popo. In the next day Goku's only visit was Yahjarobi who brought him some senzu beans.

"Thanks Yahjarobi!" And with that said Goku swolled a bean and within seconds was back on his feet again, for the doctor and nurse's incredibility. In a flash Goku dressed his orange gi and flied through the window.

"Next stop, home!" Goku yelled in joy while flying across the West City sky.

In the small dome shapped house on Mount Paozu ChiChi was busy doing some tasks of her housework.

" Uff... The bedrooms are clean and so it is the upstairs bathroom. Now to the kitchen and then the living room and the downstairs bathroom."

ChiChi kept herself busy just to keep her mind from sliping to Gohan. If she allowed herself she would most likely worry to death. And then there was the other subject. Goku. She was so angry with him for letting Gohan to go hunting for the Dragon Balls in another planet.

_How could he... Let a child, his child, go alone seaching for the Dragon Balls. Sure he wasn't really alone. He had with him Bulma, a spoiled rich 30 years old that was as responsible and wise as a 16 years old and Krillin. Goku's best friend who still lived at Master Roshi's and was as inresponsible as Goku. It was almost the same as going alone. Rrrrr. And why? Could not the Dragon Balls wait until Goku's full recovery? His friends were dead and weren't going anyhere. They could wait. And that was Goku's responsibility, not Gohan's. "_Stop ChiChi. There you go again thinking about that jerk. He doesn't deserve your time... Who am I fooling. I can't stop thinking about him. He's the man I love. No matter what he does or how angry he makes me feel, I still love him. Oh Kami. I'm such a terrible wife. He's been dead for a year and now that he's back I just ignored him. I should go visit him. But first, I must finish the housework and then I should cook something for my Goku. That hospital food must be terrible and I don't think they give him enough food to satisfy his huge apetite. Anyway, back to work."

Not far from there was Goku, flying at high speed. In other circunstances he would have used the Flying Nimbus but he choose not to use it, in order to completly enjoy his regained habilities.

"Oh man, it sure feels good to fly again. I had enough of that hospital. It will be so good to be back home again. It has been so long. But I'm still not sure about how will ChiChi react to my presence there."

As Goku began to see his home far bellow, his smile fade away. He would confront ChiChi about his doubts. He had to know if she still loved him.

When Goku entered the house the only thing he could see was the spotless house. The furniture had been dusted and the floor had been washed and waxed.

_She has been cleaning alright. But then again, that's ChiChi. _Goku thought with a small smile in his face. _And it smells good. She must have been cooking too. But she isn't here. Maybe she is upstairs. _And so Goku went upstairs, directly to his bedroom. Their bedroom. When he entered the room he realized she wasn't there but the he heard the sound of runnig water coming from the bathroom. S_he problably went for a bath, after all this cleaning. Should I go in there or wait here? I guess I'll wait here. She is already angry at me. I don't need to angry her even more for storming into the bathroom. _

And so he sat on his side of the bed and took off his boots. Then he laied down on his back, closed his eyes and took in the familiar quiteness of the room and it's aroma.

_It's so good to be back._

When ChiChi had finished her relaxing bath she stepped out of the tub and wraped a soft white towel around her wet body and another around her also wet black hair.

_Kami. This bath felt really good. It really was what I needed. Now I must get ready quickly, if I want to be in the hospital in time for the last visiting hour of the day. _

ChiChi walked out of the bathroom with the towel covering her face as she as drying her hair and therefore she didn't notice Goku on the bed right away. It was only when she stumble on Goku's heavy boots that she took notice of someone laid down on the bed.

"What a... Goku? What are you doing here?"

Goku opened his eyes and look at ChiChi, examenig every single detail of his wife's body. _Kami._ _She is so beautiful_. _I allmost forgot how incredible beautiful she is. It's been so long since I last saw her this way. _Goku was lost in his awe and didn't respond to ChiChi.

"Are you listening Goku? What are you doing here? You should be in the hospital! Don't tell me you ran away!?!?!"

"Uhm... Oh! ChiChi... ah, no I didn't escape. Well, sort of. I'm fine now so I just left."

"What are you talking about? Three days ago you couldn't even move!"

"Yeah, but I ate a senzu bean today and now I'm fully recovered."

Finally realizing how was possible for him to be in her presence as if nothing had happened, ChiChi felt the urgent need of falling into Goku's arms, hugging and kissing him. But imediatly her proud prevented her from doing so. She thought she needed to act distant. After all, she was still mad at him for taking Gohan to Master Rohi's a year ago and for supporting Gohan's decision on going to Namek.

"Well, what are you planning to do now that you have restore your full health?"

Imediatly Goku knew that ChiChi's distant and cold atitude meant that she was still angry with him. And his worst fear came back to his mind again. _Doesn't she love me anymore?_

"ChiChi, I know your angry with me. And your right. I should have not taken Gohan with me when I went visit my friends. If I would have gone alone, Gohan would be safe with you. I'm sorry."

Goku's apologize took ChiChi by surprise. She had blame him for that but now listening to his sincere words, a stab of guilt went through her heart. I_t wasn't his fault. There was no way for him to know what would happen. And he did sacrifice himself to save Gohan._ But still ChiChi stood emotion and speechless. And Goku continued.

"And now I will go meet Gohan and our friends in Namek to help them. Mr Briefs is building a new spaceship with the pices of the my spaceship when I first arrived on Earth as a baby. I will bring Gohan safe to you. I promise you."

Again ChiChi hesitated when she listenned to Goku's words. However, her only response was walking in inside the bathroom again, with some clothes to put on. Goku was devasteted. _She won't even speak to me. Not even made proper eye contact._ _And that means that it's true. She doesn't love me anymore._

Goku slowly walk out of the room, unsure of what to do now or where to go. But one thing he knew: he and ChiChi would have to talk seriously about the future of their marriage, or divorce for what matter.

While ChiChi was putting her clothes on, she was regreting what she had just done. Wasn't she going to far on her plan to make Goku suffer a little? Yes, she was. There he was, apologizing for something he that wasn't really his fault and even if it was, he had already been through a lot. And so ChiChi storm out of the bathroom determinated to go over Goku and jump in his arms, as she had wanted for so long. But he wasn't there. As fast as she could, ChiChi ran downstairs. _Where did he went? _Fortunately, Goku was still there. Laid against the wall, his eyes on the floor, with the saddest look on his face. Tears welled up on ChiChi's own eyes. He looked miserable and it was all her fault.

"Goku? What's wrong?"

"ChiChi, don't you love me anymore?" Goku asked still staring at the floor.

That question struck ChiChi like a deer caught on the headlights. "What? Why do you ask that? Don't you want to be married with me anymore?"

"Uhm... Of course I still want to be married to you. But only if you still love me."

"But I DO LOVE YOU, Goku!" Why whould you think such a thing?"

"Well, because of the way you have been acting lately. You didn't went to visit me at the hospital since Gohan has left and you didn't even spoke to me properly ever since Shenlong brought me to life. And just a moment ago you completly ignored me."

With those words ChiChi collapse on her knees, crying her eyes out. Walling as she had never did since a long time. And that was a thing that was unbareble to Goku. Seeing ChiChi crying was torture to him. And so he did the only thing he could think of in that moment. Goku held ChiChi in his arms, offering ChiChi the most conforting hug he could give.

Some minutes passed, the pair stood there silently, sharing only the warmth of their bodies in their embrace. Slowly, ChiChi's sobs came to a stop.

"ChiChi, please don't cry anymore. I'm sorry for having doubts about your love."

"But you were right to have doubts. I'm a terrible wife. What kind of woman treats the man she love the way I did? And when you needed me the most. I'm ashamed of myself."

"Please, don't talk like that, ChiChi. I love you just the way you are. Let's forget about what happened. ChiChi only answer to Goku's words was a smile. A smile of joy and love. And taken that as a sign that everything was ok again, Goku kissed ChiChi on the lips. First softly but then deepning the kiss as passion took over.

That day ChiChi and Goku resumed the love that both felt for each other since their wedding day. A love that had been abrutly interrupt a year ago, with Raditz arrival and Goku's death. Hapinness had finally came back into their lifes. However, it would be put on hold again with Goku's departure to Namek in aid of his son and friends.

**THE END**

**Author's Note**: Sorry if this is short and not very well written. This was my first attempt at writing a fanfic. And I apologize for any spelling and grammar mistakes, english isn't my primary language.


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